I started this website three years ago in response to a letter that I wrote for my only daughter’s funeral. God revealed to me that my grief and pain could be used to help others; so I just began writing what was on my mind. I vowed to be brutally honest with my readers and myself. I was so broken from my loss that it was nothing to totally bare my soul. One of the first articles I wrote was “Why Did God Let My Daughter Die?” I received such a response from this that it inspired me to keep writing. Since then, you all have journeyed with me through despair and healing, frustration and growth.
A lot of my readers are my friends and family, but many others are from all over the world. I have readers on every continent (even Antarctica!) and from over 70 countries. I know that this is all God and none of me. Usually, I proof read what I write and realize that I am my main audience. God puts things on my heart primarily because I need to hear them. I am saved, but broken and I thank you all for the support (and debate) that has come from this.
After two years of marriage, Jeanette and I decided we were ready to start our family. We bought an infant car seat and set up a nursery (Winnie the Pooh). That was 12 years ago. That was when we thought having children would be simple.
We had both taken biology class. I’m pretty sure we had the mechanics down at that point. It seemed that if we did A at the same time as B was happening we would C-get pregnant. We would hear of other couples who struggled with infertility and think that it was their own fault for getting so stressed out. We thought, “Just relax and don’t try so hard and you’ll get pregnant.” It couldn’t be that hard, people do it all of the time on accident.
It was that mentality that caused us to wait another two years to start infertility treatment. We were trying not to stress our selves out over it and we did a pretty good job…. for a while. We didn’t want to go to the doctor because that would mean that we would have to admit there could be a problem.
Six years and lots of rounds of drugs, shots, tests and surgeries later; we found out that we were pregnant with Addison Hannah Foote. The night we found out was, undoubtedly, the happiest night of our lives. Six years of fears and worries were instantly erased by a little gray “pregnant”. Our hopes and dreams for a family were to be realized. Instead of spending our years sad and lonely, our lives would be filled with the love and joy that only children can bring. The smile on Jeanette’s face that night is forever burned into my memory. The years of desperate prayers and pleading with God had paid off. God had answered our prayers and Jeanette would get to be the mother that she was so obviously created to be.
Jeanette’s natural love and ability with children is unsurpassed. She is kind and gentle. She is firm yet forgiving. She has a patience and calmness that instantly soothes children and draws them to her. God had given her a gift and now she would be able to use it!
The next seven months were a wonderful and joy-filled time. My bride glowed like an angel as our daughter grew inside her womb. I, of course, was the proud papa. Doting on and babying Jeanette was my favorite thing in the world. We bought many baby things and worked hard to prepare a place in this world for her. We eagerly awaited the arrival of our precious gift from God.
The day after Jeanette’s baby shower, was the worst in our lives. Our joy was inexplicably taken from us and we were left holding the lifeless vessel that belonged to our daughter. There was nothing that could have been done, no one to blame. Only the God that gave us the blessing in the first place. How could we blame him? We merely had to face the harsh reality that we would not get to see her grow up. We would not feel her warm embrace. Never hear that first giggle. Our little angel with her brown, curly hair was now in the sweet embrace of our savior.
The range of emotions that I experienced through this time is indescribable. My brokenness could only be paralleled by the love I experienced from others. Instead of letting this destroy our marriage, the bond between Jeanette and I grew stronger. We experienced God’s grace and provision daily as we struggled to continue with our lives. We would get pregnant again, right?
The doctors told us all along that getting pregnant was the best cure for endometriosis, but shortly after delivering Addison, there was another problem. Jeanette was having some issues with her girlie bits (uterus). A doctor at the hospital decided that a D&C was in order. He would just gently scrape around in there and make sure all of the placenta and such was out. Shouldn’t have been a big deal, and it wasn’t…at the time.
Fast forward probably a year and we still haven’t conceived again. Back to the fertility clinic and more tests. It turns out that the doctor who did the D&C scraped out Jeanette’s uterus too much. He scraped off part of the important stuff and now the whole thing had fused together like a peanut butter sandwich. The peanut butter (or “scar tissue”) would have to be removed. More surgeries for us. Afterward, they would insert a small balloon in there to keep it from fusing together again. The first one failed. The second failed. Third. Fourth. We tried different doctors and clinics. The latest was reluctant to try and told us to consider paying $60,000 for a surrogate.
I would say our hopes were crushed again, but by this point we had no real hopes of success. We were just going through the motions. After the last surgery, we just kind of gave up on doctors. We don’t know the current condition of Jeanette’s womb, but agree that we cannot continue down our current path. Could God still bless us with pregnancy? Of course He could. I still hold out hope that He will, but He has also given us a different hope.
Jeanette has known that we should adopt far longer than I. I was afraid of the stresses and, quite frankly, the enormous cost of adoption. Yet God continued to relentlessly bombard us with the topic of adoption. $40,000 seems unfathomable to me for something that God freely provides to most. Also, despite God’s blessings on our lives, we just don’t have anywhere near that amount of money. Finally, though, God convinced me that if He wanted us to adopt, He would provide the money we need to do so. After all, many of us spend that much on a car that lasts only a few years. How much more valuable is a precious child? What better way is there for someone to fulfill Jesus’ call (James 1:27) than to look after orphans.
Asking for help is not in my nature. I like to work alone and provide for myself. I will often go to ridiculous lengths to figure out how I can accomplish something without asking for help. Due to this stubbornness (as my wife calls it), I now realize that I can rob someone of God’s blessing for their helping me. I love to help people and yet I don’t allow them to help me? If I do this, then I am a hypocrite.
Having said all this; please help me. Please help us. Please allow God to use you as the answer to our prayers. I know there is a relentless stream of people and organizations pleading for our money these days, and I do not take lightly what I am asking for. Yet what better eternal investment than the life of a child with no home or parents with no child. When people band together to accomplish something, great things can be achieved. When people are blessed in a time of need, often it is they that can bless others when next a need arises.
Thank you for your prayers and support.
Terry and Jeanette Foote
You can donate to our adoption fund @ FundOurLittleFoote.
or paste http://www.gofundme.com/3anq5w into your browser.